DAY 24 - I REALLY CAN DO IT!!!!

THROUGH THE MOUTHS OF BABES 

This little one reminded me of a truth I'd let begin slipping from me this earlier in the week

What a week this has been! To say there have been some ups and downs is to put it mildly. The week began with an annual check up and an announcement of an area of "concern"...which I (of course) initially tried to be "cool and collected" about - NOT! I made it through about the longest 36 hours EVER and then had a good cry, got honest about my fears and remembered something important -- it's OK to be afraid, to be vulnerable and to cry. I had the ultrasound and mammogram and will meet with the doctor on the 19th to go over everything. However I was relieved to see the mammo films - which all looked good and to learn that "nothing unusual" was showing up in the ultrasound. I will likely be having a biopsy on the 19th to be safe and while I "DO" realize that it isn't 100% that I'm going to be alright...I feel pretty good about it.  

We had another gully washer here yesterday, so no cycling yesterday...though no good excuse for not doing some other kind of exercise. But there were some pretty good accomplishments in the midst of all that has gone on this week - I didn't go into a depression, (which has been known to happen when I get "jarred" - I was diagnosed with clinical depression long ago), and so that was just really awesome! I also didn't shove terrible food down my throat - which is even MORE incredible! But the best of all? I remembered how very blessed I am. My reality, (something I forget sometimes), is that I should have perished MANY years ago. At 19 I was a chronic addict/alcoholic with a loaded gun in my car en'route to kill myself when an intervention happened. I had quite literally lost my mind and my prognosis leaving a psychiatric ward was that I would never be capable of living independently and that my parents should put me on disability and in a group home. 

Ultimately over a period of time, (and in a story for another day), I came to know a God more powerful than a prognosis and my mind was restored, as well as receiving a life beyond anything I would have dared hope for! I am blessed with a husband who is my best friend. I have two AMAZING and LOVELY step-daughters, (though they are truly daughters to me in every way), that are the joy of my life and in listening to their experiences this week, was reminded, that no matter what the outcome - whether it is what I hope or what I must face...I have been blessed in watching them grow up. NOT trying to sound gloomy or pessimistic at all - just that the realization of my life and all that is in it got me out of that self absorbed place I was heading into and reminded me that people face things everyday and I realized "Why should it not be me?" God is still God and the blessings of this life are still blessings! I don't know if that makes sense - but what I'm trying to say is that I made peace with the "what if's" and found nothing but gratitude at the end of that emotional journey.

OH!!! AND...today was a BIG accomplishment! Not only did I beat my longest distance riding bikes with Larry Wayne...but I FINALLY broke the "5 minute a mile" barrier by riding 11.86 miles in 58min and 12sec!!!! Woooo Hoooo!!!! BOOM!!!!!

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